I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
