Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
These tits shall not be calmed
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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