so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
