everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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