I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
