I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
