I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
FUCK WHALES
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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