Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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