The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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