I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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