I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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