There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
