so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
