Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
