Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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