i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
