I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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