Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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