I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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