Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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