I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize