Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
