tonight lets celebrate not being married
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
