chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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