Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
