Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
