now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
love makes seman taste better
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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