it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
