Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize