Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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