6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
