trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
