is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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