you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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