Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
