Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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