Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
