Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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