nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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