chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
