We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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