Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
