You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
