We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
