I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
