using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
