can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
