OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
