the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
