Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Don't make out with my wife yet
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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