I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
