I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
