i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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