i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
