Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
