at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
