Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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