Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
