final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
