I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
