Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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