I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
