u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize