So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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