You just made me feel so damn special
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
